“Have you seen what she’s wearing?”

“Did you hear what he said the other day?”

“Can you believe they did that?”

We all have a tendency to be a little… judgemental from time to time. If someone else joins us in voicing a negative opinion of someone or something, we can spend seemingly unlimited time virtually tearing a person to shreds together.

But what does that achieve? Not a great deal, in my opinion. It creates bad energy, and more to the point, by doing this we are actually training our brains to always focus on the negative aspects of any given situation: the way a person looks; their personality; our own looks; our own personality. It has been scientifically proven that if we make an effort to look for the good, rather than the bad, we can train our brains to do so automatically in the long run. If this is true, why then would we be so determined to search out the negative? Perhaps after years of doing so, our brains are used to it. Time for a change!

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others, so you will yourselves be judged – Holy Bible, Matthew 7:1

If you spend your time judging others, it stands to reason that all you can expect in return is that they will judge you. Your hair colour, your weight, your clothing, your personality, your business.

Often when we are picking holes in another person’s personality or appearance, what we’re really focusing on is something we are insecure about on ourselves. She has thighs that are larger than mine; don’t they look terrible, mine look much better in comparison. Sound familiar? We all do it, but it’s not a great habit to have.

Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and rigiht-doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there. – Rumi

Why not try a different approach? The next time you feel the urge to make an unpleasant comment about a person – whether out loud or just in your head – stop yourself, and try to turn it around. Challege yourself to think of something nice to say about that person.

If someone does something that irks you, look at why it bothers you, and whether you are right to be annoyed. We all get irritated sometimes over silly little things that we know aren’t the other person’s fault. If it is something you know is a genuine complaint on your behalf, rather than bitch about it with your friends why not speak to the person about it? Approach them tactfully and gently tell them what the problem is. Nine times out of ten, a person will be grateful to hear of something they’ve done that has upset or annoyed people; as I’m sure you would be too. A great book about this sort of thing is Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg.

In business, it will never serve you well to be known as being bitchy. As much as your clients or friends may enjoy a good session of pointing out everyone else’s shortcomings, they will all walk away wondering what you say about them while they’re not there.

Similarly, if a client or friend comes to you looking for someone to join in with poking holes in others, they might initially be disappointed to find that you won’t join their game… but if instead you make an effort to find good points about the person in question, your friend or client may well leave you feeling more upbeat and positive.

Stay positive!


Alison xxx